|Depression Is Boring
||[Aug. 7th, 2012|05:04 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
|[||Tags|||||boredom, cleaning, cooking, depressed, depression, energy, farm share, farmshare, motivation, pharmacy, pills, recipe, sleep, sleep problems||]|
Wow I'm bored AND boring when I'm extra depressed (versus my normal, "always" depressed state).
The latest recipe I tried was "Amagansett Corn Salad" which I cut in half...
Left out the onion; couldn't find sugar snap peas. Used basil, not parsley. It was OK. Then the BF added orzo and we chopped up & threw the cooked sweet Italian sausages we were gonna eat in hot dog buns into the salad as well. Worked nicely. It filled the two of us with some left over.
Haven't cooked anything else on my own in a long time. We opted out of doing a farmshare this year. Too much wasted food, not worth the money. But I'll tell you, it also means less encouragement and fewer opportunities to come up with new recipes for the random pile o'veggies we got each week.
I have been struggling to make it to a farmer's market all summer & haven't succeeded once.
Haven't made any creative projects either.
In other news, our health care coverage switched to mandatory 90-day prescriptions. The trade-off is cheaper meds and fewer pharmacy visits, but the increased expenditure all at once is hard.
I have cleared hundreds of pounds of crap out of my attic and I've started working on the second floor. It's boring shitty work, but it's getting done, slowly but surely.
And the buzz in my head has stayed settled down since switching to generic Wellbutrin and occasional doses of lithium, post-anxiety diagnosis. Getting to sleep is easier. Waking up is still hard. Exhaustion still omnipresent.
I have no motivation or energy to do anything, but a desperate desire to do everything.