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Depression Is Boring - Body by Henson, brain by Seuss. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kelly J. Cooper

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Depression Is Boring [Aug. 7th, 2012|05:04 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
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Wow I'm bored AND boring when I'm extra depressed (versus my normal, "always" depressed state).

The latest recipe I tried was "Amagansett Corn Salad" which I cut in half...

Left out the onion; couldn't find sugar snap peas. Used basil, not parsley. It was OK. Then the BF added orzo and we chopped up & threw the cooked sweet Italian sausages we were gonna eat in hot dog buns into the salad as well. Worked nicely. It filled the two of us with some left over.

Haven't cooked anything else on my own in a long time. We opted out of doing a farmshare this year. Too much wasted food, not worth the money. But I'll tell you, it also means less encouragement and fewer opportunities to come up with new recipes for the random pile o'veggies we got each week.

I have been struggling to make it to a farmer's market all summer & haven't succeeded once.

Haven't made any creative projects either.

In other news, our health care coverage switched to mandatory 90-day prescriptions. The trade-off is cheaper meds and fewer pharmacy visits, but the increased expenditure all at once is hard.

I have cleared hundreds of pounds of crap out of my attic and I've started working on the second floor. It's boring shitty work, but it's getting done, slowly but surely.

And the buzz in my head has stayed settled down since switching to generic Wellbutrin and occasional doses of lithium, post-anxiety diagnosis. Getting to sleep is easier. Waking up is still hard. Exhaustion still omnipresent.

I have no motivation or energy to do anything, but a desperate desire to do everything.

Blecherous blechiness.

[User Picture]From: metagnat
2012-08-07 08:50 am (UTC)
The bored and boring thing you said and the no energy/infinite desire both really resonated with me.

You are still moving forward getting more done and that's great.
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[User Picture]From: lillibet
2012-08-07 09:19 am (UTC)

Much moreso from the inside than the outside, I discovered. Just another filtering service depression offers to make the internal view more dreary than the external. I've seen at least one study showing that depression messes with our sense of time--I think this is one of the key things about it: it gets us stuck in a particular moment of blah and convinces us that it has always been like this, it will always be like this, etc.

Good on you for toughing out the clearing and cleaning! Good luck with cooking more. My own cooking has fallen off dramatically this year, but I'm looking forward to the new kitchen.
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[User Picture]From: drwex
2012-08-07 10:17 am (UTC)
I blech at your disease as well. Should you find yourself wanting company while you do whatever you feel it is you can do I have some flexibility in my schedule.
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[User Picture]From: blackanvil
2012-08-07 01:34 pm (UTC)
Wow. That sounds like what I've been going through. Sounds like you're dealing with it better. Good luck.
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[User Picture]From: catness
2012-08-07 03:21 pm (UTC)
Hey, boring person! I've missed your boring self!! :)

Thank you SO MUCH for the postcard. That was awesome, and unexpected. Thanks for adding surprise happy into my life.
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[User Picture]From: wonderreader
2012-08-07 10:48 pm (UTC)
I am just so impessed that within htis general blechtyness you have gotten to the 2nd floor - way to go - hopefully geting rid of some "stuff" will leave you feeling lighter.
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