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This Weekend - Body by Henson, brain by Seuss. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kelly J. Cooper

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This Weekend [Feb. 1st, 2011|04:19 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
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I was pretty deeply bummed over the weekend. Friday was a long, slogging day and I just couldn't wake up on Saturday. Once I did got up, I accomplished very little. I finished Speed of Dark by Elizabeth Moon which clarified a thought for me: in a way, I am in a race to get better before I give up.

Sunday was slow. I had difficulty waking, trouble getting out of bed, and the entire waking up process was all about resisting the urge to climb back into bed. Despite liberal quantities of Ribose, Ritalin, & caffeine, the day was long and sluggish. The comic shop had a good day money-wise, but it wasn't much fun for me because I felt crappy.

Needless to say, I didn't do my 15 minutes at all this weekend.

So today (Monday), I resolved to at least finish filling the two boxes I started. I had a fantasy about removing ALL BOOKS from the couch, which was a little delusional, because I have no place to put them. But I did, in fact, mostly manage it. In fact, I managed to finish filling boxes #1 & #2, filed some loose comics, and I filled box #3 with all the books I pulled off the couch (although they need to be arranged better and recorded).

A note for those advising me that I need a technical solution: I do. It would be easier. However, I have a stupid phone. And my laptop, in addition to having a dead-ish battery, was never an online laptop. It was mainly for giving presentations and carrying pictures around so I could show my family stuff. In order to outfit it with a barcode scanner, I'd need to spend a few days patching it & getting it up to speed. I'd need to buy the scanner or find an app that works on Windows XP for the built-in camera to interpret the images as barcodes. These things are not hard, but they are a barrier for me. And when I encounter barriers, I get discouraged. Hence the low-tech solution.

If I can achieve some good things, get my energy levels up, maybe I can start tackling that project. But what I really need is visible progress, not Windows Updates and freeware experiments that provide me with intangible, invisible results.

Although, that reminds me... I can probably get an upgrade on my sturdy-but-ancient Motorola cell phone to something that might go Boop! and record book info for me. Food for thought.

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[User Picture]From: catness
2011-02-02 12:22 am (UTC)
Completely Off Topic: That picture of you is totally hot!
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[User Picture]From: kjc
2011-02-02 05:26 am (UTC)
I've been thinking about why I buy books instead of getting them from the library and trying to explore more about why I have so many books & such a hard time letting go of them.

When I was a kid, we weren't poor but we didn't have much money. I read voraciously from the library and what books we could afford to buy were usually fantasy books in a long series that we'd either be unlikely to find at the library or that I so desperately wanted, that we got them.

Now, I truly wish I'd kept even the most basic journal of titles & authors of the books I read from the library back then because the gap in my knowledge/memory of not being able to remember them all drives me BUGFUCK. I have a real problem with not trusting my memory and desperately wanting/needing tangibles. I've managed to trim that down with regard to traveling: I usually get a really good picture book of the city and a cute knick-knack or scarf and that, along with my guidebooks, is usually enough for me.

But there is so much in a book that it's hard for me to let them go.

Now that we've established that it would be really painful for me to let them go completely, we could consider the next logical step. Let's say that instead of giving them away I were to put them in storage.

The same problem as having them in my house actually applies. I wouldn't know what books I had or exactly where they were. I would still need to inventory them before I put them into the storage space.

The mental burden of not being able to find the books I want to find when I want to find them is starting to outweigh the lack of energy about doing anything about it.

On the plus side, as I'm sorting books hither and thither, I'm getting a much better feel for books that I would be OK with going into storage versus books that I desperately want on my shelves. I'm also figuring out that some books I want on my shelves for themselves, and some because they are anthologies and I want to read more by particular authors in them.

And I'm trying to resist the urge to buy so many books, especially when I can see the evidence with my own eyes that I often fail to read them all. I have managed to re-invoke the pleasure I had as a kid saving up for a specific book or album and then enjoying it thoroughly by forcing myself to plan what book to buy and severely limit myself on spontaneously buying random books that catch my fancy.

I'm hoping that once I record data about them, books I'd be willing to put into storage can be converted to books I'd be willing to sell or even give away.

It's a process and it's under constant reevaluation. Especially with that fuckin' Hoarders on TV reminding me how close to certifiable I am.

P.S. I agree with Kit, that's a really great pic of you!
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[User Picture]From: lillibet
2011-02-01 10:40 am (UTC)
Yay for activation energy!

Last night I was trying to get myself to clean up the kitchen and I managed to convince myself that I was just going to load the dishwasher, and stack the dirty non-dishwasher stuff, and wash off Alice's spoons so she could have yogurt, and while the water is already on...

That got me through the whole project, the whole time promising myself I'd quit after the next thing.

Hope Tuesday has another 15 minutes in it.
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[User Picture]From: kjc
2011-02-02 05:27 am (UTC)
Yeah, offering your brain the opportunity to quit after the next thing is a good motivator. And if you get a little endorphin surge at completing each task, you can just keep going!

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[User Picture]From: istemi
2011-02-01 12:47 pm (UTC)
Hence the low-tech solution.

Makes sense to me.

Please do kick me if I lapse into problem solving mode when it's not a problem-solving discussion.

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[User Picture]From: kjc
2011-02-02 05:29 am (UTC)
I delight in problem-solving discussions. It took me a while to figure out my resistance to a techno solution, actually, and you asking reminded me to take a walk through the reasoning again to see if anything was more clear now. And it was! So that was useful.

The fact that ya'll keep coming back and encouraging me is a gift. I'd never kick ya. 'Sides, I'm pretty sure you could beat me up. ;)
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[User Picture]From: catness
2011-02-02 12:38 am (UTC)
I hear ya on the tangible results. And mrrrrrphhhhh on the technical barriers. I wish I could push a button and magically solve them for you. The urge to yell "WHY DO YOU HATE APPLE SO MUCH?!?!" was very strong today, but I wasn't sure it was an appropriate joke. BTW. who's your phone carrier? The best phone I ever had was my Motorola StarTac, and I wish I still had it. The first one I ever saw was yours, and I loved it. I still love it.
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[User Picture]From: kjc
2011-02-02 05:35 am (UTC)
Heh. I don't hate Apple, actually. In fact, I use & love iTunes for managing my music online! It will burn CDs that old CD players can read, unlike the various Window products.

It's just sufficiently different as to be intimidating to move over to it. And my Windows machines have been cheaper than Apple machines generally, although perhaps I have paid for that with the amount of mental energy they require.

I have AT&T. So far as I know, I'm still on the old Cingular infrastructure since I get great coverage; or maybe the merging & network improvements they claim to have made have actually helped. My phone is a Motorola flip of some sort. I've only gone maybe 2 generations beyond the StarTac, physically at least. Man, that was one sturdy lil muthafucka.
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