|Side Effect Fallout Trickle-Down Brain Crap
||[Jul. 1st, 2010|03:21 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
I have a lot of potential.
I'm 40, so I still have time to fulfill some of that potential.
But I feel like I wasted a bunch of my potential (and my time) in the 40 years I've had so far.
WASTED LOST DRIED UP BLOWN AWAY IT'S GONE BABY GONE potential.
And while I'm not a big regrets type of person (well, actually, I do regret eating the cheese that gave me food poisoning on Monday), there's part of me that's mourning all that waste and loss.
Plus, things were so much harder than they had to be. So many things... so much harder...
And just as I'm getting old enough to be at peace with some of that shit, I find out that I didn't really need to go through it at all.
But if I want the NEXT 40 years to go a little more easily, and hopefully more productively, I've got to do a bunch of work involving how I live my life with my ADHD. This is work I would've had a lot more energy to do if I'd known to do it in the first 20-30 years of my life. Right now, I have so little energy, I have to keep myself from jealously guarding it, hunched over and cooing to myself like friggin' Gollum with the ring ("the sleep! the sleep wants to steal my precious energies! and the friends don't really like us, do they precious? they want our energies too!").
The headfuckery involved there is nigh on ludicrous.