I resonate with some of this (though not all). It sucks.
Have you experimented at all with walking meditations?
2009-10-16 07:25 am (UTC)
Have you experimented at all with walking meditations?
Nope. Just Googled it. I'll try it tomorrow when I walk to work.
Thank you, by the way, for consistently reading AND commenting on my mental gyrations. It's much appreciated.
I feel less like I'm screaming into the empty darkness.
You're entirely welcome.
When you get silence back from your f'list, it's almost undoubtedly because people don't know what to say, rather than because nobody cares.
But I do understand that, yeah, that and a five-dollar bill will get you an overpriced cup of coffee and maybe some change (if you're lucky). I'm often there, myself, and very much appreciate the responses I get back from my f'list. So it's nice to know that I play that role sometimes, myself. I'm glad it helps.
And remember, if you scream long enough into the void, the void begins to scream back through you. :-)
Let me know whether the walking meditation does anything for you.
"When you get silence back from your f'list, it's almost undoubtedly because people don't know what to say, rather than because nobody cares."
Yes, this is very much the case for me. I don't want to say something that might further upset the person, and I'm not really one for posting *hugs*. But I do care. I wish my good thoughts in the person's direction could be actually felt :-)
Ever since I've been unemployed, I've found self-motivation to be a serious problem. This goes along with Structure. Making your own structure is hard! It's like trying to plan a week's worth of menu to me. Alien, to say the least. And because I'm only accountable to me, well, we know we can fudge it a little. :)
What I do to try and counter that is to plan two days ahead at a time (at least). I make sure I have a planned activity or two each day (whether it's schoolwork, resume typing, whatever) and I have a place outside the house to be doing those activities. For me, if they are still in the house, I can meander more.
I like Dave's suggestion of waking meditations. I hadn't thought of those, that actually sounds pretty cool.
Even when you feel complete crappy, you're still stuck with us. :) Oh, hey, you need to keep poking me about crafts fairs. I have very little inventory and I need to work on that.
2009-10-16 07:30 am (UTC)
Yeah. Lacking structure and self-motivation seem to be a big part of the problem.
Wanna do a craft day? Maybe Saturday afternoon? Or sometime next week?
Like I mentioned, I have a commission to work on and I've finally received some onyx beads I ordered so I have a couple of pieces I'd like to put together to put on the Etsy site.
I have commitments Tuesday afternoon, Thursday evening, and Friday afternoon through the evening (at the Picnic), but otherwise my week is open.
Sorry for the delayed response. I forgot to check in on this. Yes, yes and yes. You wanna come here and bead? And I'll sew? And then we'll both be on board with our next crafts? And I need to photograph and post the potholders to my etsy site.
Let's see...I'm out of town until Tuesday, maybe Wednesday afternoon? More in Email.
I agree - when you are not working there seems to be no structure. My friends who are also out of work all say that they don't know how they got stuff done when they were working, now they cannot even get to the laundry. I keep saying that I am going to get a schedule, then we move and it all gets messed up again. Wish I had a solution for you, I like the idea of a walking meditation - then I don't need a destination - my path can be my labyrinth!
2009-10-16 07:31 am (UTC)
Maybe you need a looser schedule than regular people?
Like odd days are potentially laundry & chores days while even days are crafting days? And, of course, if you finish a chore you could reward yourself with crafting time...
Brains suck. :(
I couldn't do "nothing" with my time until after my surgery in May. Then I did a lot of sitting and looking out my window from bed. (I couldn't hold up a book or even my gameboy^Wiphone.) Now I miss "nothing" a lot, and I'm trying to find a way to get more of just being time. I like dpolicar's idea of walking meditations, if that's the kind of thing that would work for you.
When you're up at 4am with your brain clamoring, pick one thing you want to do and that you will *enjoy* but that you shouldn't start right now. Then, write it down in BIG LETTERS, put it up where you can see it from where you sleep, and when you can't think of any reason to get up the next time you wake, look at it. Might not help. Might.
2009-10-16 07:34 am (UTC)
Hmm. Y'know when I do nothing? When I'm really really sick. And out of everything that sucks about being sick, there's a small part of me that misses being that free. When I'm really ill, I give myself permission to not worry about money or projects or whatever because I'm ILL and my job is just to get better. There's something very relaxing in that.
I like the idea of a sign. I'll work on a place to put one in my bedroom.
Permission. *nod* I think you need more of that, too.
Unbalance often leads to motion. Maybe it will get you someplace you need to be?
Good luck, though; even if it turns out useful it sounds like a crappy trip to get there. My sympathies!
2009-10-16 07:35 am (UTC)
I keep hoping that the unbalanced feeling will lead to change, but so far it's led to chaos. Maybe, in retrospect, I'll be able to see a path I was taking to get someplace, but right now... nada. No pattern discernible.
2009-10-16 05:34 pm (UTC)
i'm sorry, babe.
i also tend to get nothing done when my time is unstructured. lists help, but i have to actually look at the list and then motivate to do something on the list. so, yeah.