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Sleep Status Update - Body by Henson, brain by Seuss. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kelly J. Cooper

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Sleep Status Update [Apr. 7th, 2009|12:59 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
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Saw the sleep doctor again today.

I was supposed to be there at 2:20pm, but was only able to wake up around 2:05pm. Called his admin & she said I could come in, but I'd be seen after everyone else. Headed over anyway, after assembling a bag full of THINGS TO DO. Preloaded the WRONG directions in my head and missed my turn. Took a while to recalibrate & find the place (many MANY U-turns). It was pouring buckets and there were lots of slow, careful drivers and giant puddles and anxious pedestrians with inside-out umbrellas. Ultimately arrived 1.5 hours late. Ended up only waiting 20 minutes or so - about 2 hours less than I waited last time, when I arrived ON TIME.

The results of my last (partly aborted) sleep study show more of the same issues as the last study. Namely, very little time in stage 3 & 4. A little more REM, but not much. Lots of leg movements - enough to diagnose me, but he's hesitant to add another medication on top of the pile I'm already on for other stuff.

I asked whether waking up daily with a lump of phlegm in the my throat that I gotta hock up could be making sleep difficult. He was upset that I haven't told my primary care doc about it, but said it probably wasn't a contributing factor.

Then I asked whether my history with heavy duty viruses could be having an impact (infectious mono & CMV) and he said they're probably not lingering. He's not a big believer in Chronic Fatigue Syndrome.

SO! Next step, per his suggestion, is to upgrade my psychological care to a psychiatrist specializing in sleep plus X, where X = something mental that is manifesting physically.

Broke down and cried in his office. When pressed, admitted that I felt like he was telling me it's all in my head. He laughed (in a kind way) and said that he's a neurologist, for him everything's all in your head.

Cute. But I didn't feel like laughing.

I have the name of 4 psychiatrists plus one psychologist that I'm to call and try to see.

And, I also gotta call my primary care doc and tell her about my morning phlegm lump. He made me promise.

Meanwhile, he called my psych. nurse and asked her to call him back & discuss me (with my permission).

Picked up the BF from his gig at BC. Went home, decided to go food shopping, had a bowl of cereal so I wouldn't eat everything in the store, went to the store, came home, watched a little TV, and started crying again. BF comforted and made yummy lasagna for dinner. I calmed down but I feel like it's just behind my eyes.

I feel helpless and overwhelmed.

Fortunately, I do NOT feel the yawning pit of badness akin to the last 3 months.

So! Any day that doesn't end in a sucking chest wound is a good one, eh?

[User Picture]From: foomf
2009-04-07 02:32 am (UTC)
"Not a big believer in CFS" = "Dogmatically ignoring a syndrome identified by other specialties."

Not inspiring me to great confidence. What's his excuse for disregarding other doctors' diagnosis in this blanket way?

What tests has he performed to verify that you do not have a low-grade infection? Did they detect any kind of blood oxygen level change?

(Yes, this is me not trusting doctors without questioning them for why they think what they think. It means my regular doctor takes twice as long to deal with me when he wants to change things around.)

And what a clever retort, to your breaking down. You are seriously upset by this implication that he is dismissing your sleep issues as being caused by psychological maladjustment, and his response is to joke about it? NOT acceptable, unprofessional, and downright asinine.

So getting past his dismissing your feeling that you have a physical problem... what are your feelings when you think about this having a psychological component? You're a pretty good self-analyticalizer (yeah, I made that up.) You have good introspection. Do you feel any fear or anxiety that you might have to face something unpleasant, that you KNOW is there? Do you habitually choose to avoid unpleasant stuff rather than deal with it? Those might be indicators that he is onto something, rather than grasping at straws and throwing you at drug-mongers.

I am VERY chary of the modern psychs. They have little patience or trust in therapy and they do love to shove their drugs down people.

If you have RLS bad enough to keep you from sleeping, is any of it aggravated by the bed you're in? Do you have the right kind of back support? Does (gentle) stretching help?
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[User Picture]From: gilana
2009-04-07 08:08 am (UTC)
It's not all in your head, it's all in your brain. It's a body part like any other, it gets screwy too. NOT YOUR FAULT. I just hope you find a solution soon.
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[User Picture]From: dpolicar
2009-04-07 10:21 am (UTC)
Yay, no sucking chest wound!

I wish I had something useful to say, here; I really don't. Unpleasant as my experience was, it had the advantages of immediacy and lack of ambiguity... there was no doubt that it was really happening, or what it was. I can only begin to imagine what that's like.

I guess all I'm really saying here is that somebody out there in the void of the Internet is listening and concerned.

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[User Picture]From: lillibet
2009-04-07 10:33 am (UTC)
I am so sorry that you're caught in a tide of woe.

Have you done much exploring of the relationship between your mind and body? I've found that I have a lot of issues there--I tend to think that my mind is "me" and my body is "not me" (it's more complicated than that, of course, but that's what it boils down to) in ways that can jump up and bite me on the, er, occipital lobe, because when I have problems that are brain-related they seem to be attacking "actual-me" not just the meat. When I work at integrating my body more, and recognizing that my brain isn't always the good guy, I have an easier time coping with this sort of stuff. Yoga seems to help. I have no idea where you are on any of this stuff, but some of your thoughts seem to echo ones I've had, so I thought I'd throw this out there.

And thanks for posting. It's good to know what's going on with you. I wish it were better, but it's not and still it's good to read about you.
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[User Picture]From: laurenpburka
2009-04-07 02:38 pm (UTC)
all I can say is.... woman, I really feel for you.
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[User Picture]From: cmeckhardt
2009-04-07 06:03 pm (UTC)
So sorry to hear it. I have nothing clever or helpful to say, except that I believe it's not all in your head.
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[User Picture]From: drwex
2009-04-09 04:26 pm (UTC)
*leaves a pebble*
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