||[Apr. 4th, 2009|01:22 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
I occasionally follow the flashes of lives revealed on twitter and beyond through Favrd. Today there was an interesting discussion about weight and women. Links summarized here.
The comment that really hit me was from Frageelay:
I’ll admit that I’ve wondered from time to time what kind of cockeating shitbag can’t stand the very sight of me because of my imperfect body. Because I get that. Usually it's yelled (or barked) out of cars or expressed in more subtle ways, because I'm 5'10" in my boots and I look pretty pissed off a lot of the time, so guys are occasionally careful enough not to say this shit to my face.
Had I been Frageelay in this case, I either would've frozen solid in a mixture of fear, frustration, and anger or I would've dodged the bouncer and grabbed the kid by the throat to hold him still for easier access to his nuts.
I cannot sufficiently express the pain caused by people doing the "can't stand to be in the same room with such ugliness as you" thing. And when I have tried, people have told me that I'm exaggerating or imagining things.
I'm not. This attitude is real. Some of us have to deal with it every day. If you have EVER discounted this pain as not-real, FUCK YOU. I know I should have stronger self-esteem, but I don't. I just don't.
And don't offer me any practical solutions. I'm VENTING.
It's real. I would offer that the people who usually are thinking such things, are self selecting out of my world, too. And I would offer that they are a vocal minority.
Recently I considered posting a poll asking "If you had to choose, would you make it so that everyone could actually be normal weight through moderate diet and exercise, or make it so that being overweight no longer carried any health consequences?" Then I decided not to, because I am lucky enough to live in a pretty skewed opinion-set. But I think a lot of people really do believe, deep down, that fat people deserve to be punished--including a lot of us fat people.
Sucks, boy howdy!
I'm not going to offer any practical solutions, because there aren't any. I'm not going to tell you how to feel, because that's dumb. But I am going to offer this. I have a quality in which how much I like a person strongly affect how attractive they appear to me. This is most obvious to me in people I have once dated. People who I used to date, and found very attractive at the time, become profoundly physically unattractive when we have a bad breakup.
My experience of you is that you are one of the most giving people I have ever met. You defend people you care about with a fervor that I can't say I've seen anywhere else. When I've been around you, and told you that things aren't ok, you have an unsurpassable ability to make me feel safe. I respect that about you endlessly. And that, in my opinion is beauty.
To those that can't see that, or choose to draw conclusions without learning that about you. I say fuck them. Poor things have no idea what they are missing.
We're all wired, to some extent, to perceive physical beauty in a positive way and to perceive things which don't fit our expectations or stupid standards as therefore being ugly.
When a person thinks that they have some innate right to verbally or emotionally or physically assault someone else for not meeting their expectations, then it's time for the mob to apply Darwin's Chainsaw of Natural Correction. Not only will they not be able to reproduce, but they'll not be passing on their stupidity to anyone else's offspring.
Of course, society should provide for this with a single "get out of death free" card issued once the person is old enough that anyone might care what drivels out of their mouths. Only one such card, though.
I hear you. And having experienced similar things myself from time to time, I know that you are not exaggerating or imagining. People are assholes.