|A Rambling Update
||[Feb. 17th, 2009|03:03 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
CONFESSION: I haven't really been reading LJ since late November, 2008.
I'm sorry for all those life-changing events, both large and small, that I missed. I feel very disconnected from everyone. (More on that below.)
I just read everything that I posted in the last 2-3 months, looking to see if there are threads I left unknotted. It's interesting to see the ups & downs.
Catch-up stuff from me:
Getting addicted to Twitter in early December made the distraction factor much MUCH worse and contributed to my not reading LJ.
The cold from hell I had in December came back at the end of January and knocked me out for the first week in February. It didn't let up until the middle of last week.
Per more mundane matters, my Dermatologist cleared me (at my annual check-up) and suggested that I use lotions containing lactic acid or uric acid to help with one of my skin issues (keratosis pilaris). Since my previous experience with lotions containing uric acid turned one of my purple towels bright pink, I'm trying a lactic acid-based one. It's working pretty well so far. She also requested that I get a B vitamin level check next time I have blood drawn.
My follow-up with the Endocrinologist went well enough. He wants me to stay at 75 MCG of the generic Synthroid. My panels show no abnormality in my hormones.
I keep forgetting to get my hearing checked. Need to do that soon.
I'm slowly adding people back into my cell phone. I haven't figured out how to make it play a different, less annoying noise, but I have successfully set it to vibrate & then make noise. The worst thing about it is that its CALL and END buttons are in the exact opposite positions from my previous phone. So I keep hanging up before I even make a call. Also, due to my paranoia about losing it, I have it on a lanyard tied to a belt loop. But the lanyard's not long enough to allow me to answer the phone without detaching it, so I need a better solution.
The blood-pressure-check appt. with my PC is tomorrow (er, later today). My BP has been at or below normal all the times I've checked it in the last month. Bringing the little machine into the appt. to confirm its calibration. (Who's a nerd? Me.)
The sleep doctor appt. is at the end of the month. Can't wait.
I got signed up to show work at Somerville Open Studios. I have lots of great ideas but I'm having difficulty sitting myself down to make (or complete) the various projects.
The flyer guy posted my flyers and I've been getting client calls for editing work. Mostly from students looking for help with small jobs. Some unable to actually deliver their papers in advance of when they are due (which means they negotiate time with me, leave me hanging, and never call or email again). These are not the steady clients I was hoping for, but it's work. I'll take it.
I just barely managed to get my shit together enough in time to get my name and contact information added to the CAEN website. That's the Cambridge Academic Editors Network at http://www.cambridge-editors.org/. Woot.
The energy and clarity I felt in December and January never came back. Instead, I've been slowly descending into abject misery. It sucks.
I was sliding down misery hill when I found out that my doctors think I really do have a sleep disorder - at first, I was relieved. Then I realized that I'd gone through the past 30 years with the dual burdens of clinical depression and exhaustion. What might I have been? What could I have accomplished without all that or with early detection? I'm not done processing that yet, but it makes me feel like crap.
Add to that my usual inability to get out of bed and my millions of other avoidance behaviors... well, the result is that I've been feeling pretty alone and disconnected and awkward. I don't actually want to DO anything except sleep, watch TV, and eat dinners with my boyfriend. That sucks too.
I'm working on it, but not having much luck. It kinda feels like I just need to ride it out until I'm heading back up the hill, away from the misery at the bottom.
We did have a nice Valentine's day. I've had a few moments of brightness. But not many.
I'm feeling pretty ashamed of how I've blown off socializing lately. I'm very sorry.
Yeah. So that's me. How are YOU doing?