|The Dull Ache
||[Nov. 5th, 2008|01:14 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
I teared up a bit when I read miss_chance's entry about her Mom's ashes. Then I went and voted and continued my day pretty normally. Picked up checks from my editing work. Shipped some books for Circlet. Came home, watched cheesy TV in an effort to ignore election babble until 10pm, when I switched to Comedy Central. And laughed.
But once "Indecision 2008" was over and I switched to watching the last bit of (relevant) election coverage, I decided to watch McCain's speech. And I'll admit it, I cried for a minute or two during his very eloquent concession. Then it went on a little too long.
Later, when the coverage switched to Chicago, I teared up during the invocation, but the full-on flow of tears and the dull ache in my chest started during the Pledge of Allegiance. Yeah, I stood up in my living room, by myself, put my right hand on my heart and mumbled along through the tears. The singing was nice, but the tears paused. Then, Obama walked onto the stage and I was really crying by the time the President-Elect actually started speaking.
I couldn't quite figure it out. I mean, I voted for him. And yes, it was a momentous occasion. I felt really involved in the process. Many of my friends were even more involved and emotionally invested. He represents so much more than just one person or even one race.
But, why the crying?
And that's when I realized that I haven't ever figured out a way to kill hope and drive her from my heart. But I did succeed in walling her up. And that rat-bastard President Elect blew his friggin' YES WE CAN trumpet and the stone cracked - the wall fell down.
Dammit! There's no way to get it back in place before the disappointments begin. Jeez.