|Snippets of Life
||[Mar. 7th, 2008|01:01 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
On Wednesday, I slept all day (despite waking up for the alarm twice (I reset it after the first time), I just didn't manage to get out of bed).
Finally, around 4pm-ish, I called my Grandma and had a nice long talk with her and wished her a Happy 85th Birthday. That was fun and informative. I always catch up on what's going on with the rest of my family through my Grandma. She's a low-key matriarch, more of an information node.
Then I called my tutoring client. We're becoming friends and I'd convinced him to go see 10,000 B.C. with me instead of having a lesson (I got a pass for two to a free screening). We made plans to meet a little early, then go in. I got lost going to the Regal Fenway 13, of course, but we got in with plenty of time to spare and found reasonable seats.
But, goodness, that was not a good movie. I am very glad I didn't pay anything for it.
First, it aimed for epic and landed squarely in boring. Other, more skilled critics have explained why, but it boils down to a couple of things: the leads didn't capture my sympathy, or even interest, and the plot was overly simplistic and stereotypical.
And character development was really sucky. We get introduced to a character and she dies a couple seconds later, in front of her son (hiding in the hut). We're supposed to care because the son is a nice, cute kid, introduced earlier as a companion for the lead male. We don't care.
Second, a whole bunch of it was bullshit.
The definition of "running" for a four legged animal is to be able to lift two feet off the ground at the same time. While an elephant can get up a good head of steam at a fast trot, technically it is incapable of running. Mammoths, which (depending upon the species) were at least as big as elephants, if not bigger, would NOT have been able to run EITHER. But, multiple plot points hinge on mammoths running.
I know, that's picky, but it BUGGED me. I've heard a bunch of other technical details are wrong, like the size of the sabre tooth tiger (too big) among other things. Everyone's got their bugaboo.
The primary conflict is the separation of the two leads by evil slavers. The collection of said slaves entailed light pillaging, very little rampaging, and easily manageable fires. You could argue that they were doing "lightning strikes" if everything weren't so slow and boring. This is just NOT how raiding was done back in the day...
Also, no raping. One of the primary bad guys drags the lead actress across mountains, a jungle, a desert, and onto a sailboat for a multi-day sail down a long and winding river and there is NO sex. Barely even touching.
And I won't even go into the complete and utter lack of food, water, and appropriately protective clothing of these people as they journeyed impossible distances. No, really, I'm pretty sure those distances were impossible for them to travel.
Third, and worst of all, I'd summarize the plot this way: Magic White People lead a significant number of Hapless Black People in a revolt against Evil Arab People.
That's just shitty.
The Most Magic of the Magic White People had BLUE EYES! Just HIT ME OVER THE HEAD with it already, jeez. The Magic White People had the only shaman (a wise woman) who could actually DO magic! They were mere hunters and gatherers, living in huts made of mammoth skins over mammoth bones, so I guess that made them closest to the "old ways" cuz the Hapless Black People and Evil Arab People only had prophecies and wise men (for imparting said prophecies, mainly), no wise women, no actual magic!
The Hapless Black People had TECHNOLOGY for chrissake! They had stone huts! Farming equipment! A seed bank! AND don't get me STARTED on the technological marvels of the Evil Arab People! I mean, HOLY SHIT! They were building a pyramid! With a giant golden top-thingy! (It's implied that it's all gold, not gold leaf.) Their clothing was gorgeous! Their machinery complex! They could measure distance and manage proportions! Their slave management was pretty well organized! They even had their own race of blind albino servants with Down's syndrome! (I mean, imagine the genetic engineering!)
There were a couple of amusing moments, some intentional, at least one unintentional. This might be an OK movie to have on as background while you're doing something else. The special effects are quite impressive and the backgrounds pretty to look upon. I liked the mammoths, despite my technical objections.
So that was Wednesday. Today (Thursday) was utterly insane as Diamond failed to deliver most of the major comic titles to MYP on Wednesday (as they were supposed to) and didn't get them to us this morning (as they promised). Instead, they arrived after 1pm, when we were at our busiest, and Tony & I desperately tried to manage both our inventory and our subscriptions against tough odds. I worked past my leave point, pulling a 10-hour shift. A long and miserable day.
Friday promises to be worse, with work due for two clients plus an eight hour shift and incipient drama. Wish me luck.