|Nearly Lost My Temper
||[Feb. 3rd, 2012|08:40 pm]
Kelly J. Cooper
Remember when I mentioned that I have some anger issues?
Well I just added another event to my list.
Someone blew through the light at Porter on Mass Ave (the light for Upland Road). It had been red for a full two-count. I was walking in the same direction the driver was driving, so I saw the whole thing. Pedestrians were IN THE CROSSWALK and halfway across the near side of the road and she beeped at them! The next light was red as well and there were cars in front of her so she had to stop.
One of the pedestrians swung around and banged on her hood (by no means hard enough to dent) and yelled "You almost hit me!" She leapt out of the car and starts screaming at him, "Fuck you! I don't care what you did! I don't care what I did! You don't fuckin' touch my car!" And he's almost yelling (more like speaking firmly) and she's yelling at him to "Fuck off!" and I drew abreast and said, "No! YOU fuck off, lady! You almost hit him! I saw the whole thing!" So she turns on me with "Fat bitch! Fat whore! Fuck you!" on and on and on. My favorite? "Lose some weight, get a job and a haircut." It was 7pm. What the hell made her think I didn't have a job? I have THREE jobs.
I'm afraid I swore back at her. I should've checked for children. It was hella bad manners. But I switched into that super-pissed mode where my mouth goes off before my brain catches up. The point I repeated in between the swearing was, "You blew through a red light, you almost hit three pedestrians, and you honked at them?!" (spoken with a tone of disbelief). She swears at me more then gets back in her car. I walk around to the light that goes across Somerville Ave to the CVS and hurry across to catch the walk light. I really hate that intersection.
I walk along CVS on the parking lot side, next to the little shops they have there, come out and pass the Spare Change guy, and head over to Shaw's. I use the crosswalks in that parking lot because it is a crazy place.
Suddenly I feel something bounce off my back! It's a bottle of water! I turn around and there is the driver! She's parked in the CVS handicapped parking spot and thrown an open bottle of water at me! I said, "You immature little bitch!" Because she was really short (and skinny; she looked like a 13-year-old) and I was really cranky. My apologies to short people everywhere.
And she said more "Fat fuck, fat whore" stuff and I yelled back, "You almost killed three people!" and she said more crap, and she ran out of words because she actually said, "Fat whore, fat, fat, fat..." like she couldn't find another noun. So I yelled back even louder, "YOU ALMOST KILLED THREE PEOPLE!" And she said "Yeah, right," and got back in her car.
A woman came over to me and said she saw everything and that I should get the woman's license plate number (which hadn't occurred to me) because "she's out of control and still driving."
A man from Shaw's (wearing a Shaw's apron) said something like, "You drive bad?" And said no, I was walking. I explained to him that she'd blown through a red light and almost hit three people. He said I should get her plate # & I said no, if I go over there she'd hit me. And he said no she wouldn't because people aren't allowed to hit people in this parking lot. Interesting logic there. I pointed out that she'd already thrown a water bottle at me. I asked if he'd walk over with me because by this point I was scared and wanted a witness. But by the time we walked halfway back she was gone from the spot (or re-parked, I dunno). His take on it was that people in America are crazy (given his accent, I'm pretty sure he's originally from another country). I agreed with him.
So I went to Shaw's and bought my Super Bowl snacks. But I was shaking from the post-adrenaline come-down and I think my eyes leaked a little. Man. I gotta learn to keep my mouth shut.
Holy shit. She was reckless, abusive (both verbally and physically) and defiant. Craptastic. I am so so sorry that happened to you.
I really hope that someone got her plate number or something. She assaulted you and you're absolutely right, she could have killed people.
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs*
> Man. I gotta learn to keep my mouth shut.
no akshully, i give you mad props. modulo the fact that she didn't whip out a gun and shoot you, natch.
KJC - Urban Avenger !
I'm sorry, but I believe that you did the right thing. You saw an altercation you had knowledge about and aided the wronged individual in the face of nasty adversity.
You continued to stick to your guns after being struck, and did not, in fact, strike back in any way.
That's also brave.
This particular incident was not an anger issue. Do not sell yourself short.
Yeah, I think that was righteous anger. I'm only sad that you didn't have the opportunity to report her to the police.
*offers hugs and a cup of tea*
2012-02-04 02:45 pm (UTC)
I don't want to diminish your feelings on this
But I agree on the not selling yourself short. Too many people won't speak up for others or stand up when an injustice is wrong. I give you many kudos for being willing to do just that. I'd totally buy you a beverage of your choice and give you hugs just to say thank you for being willing to stand up.
The chick is likely used to getting her way by being the loudest and crazy one. Or she could have been on drugs. Yes, dangerous and scary for you.
Things we teach people, if you have a smart phone, I'd have reached for mine and taken her picture or a pic of her car to use to report. If I'd thought of it at the time cause I have anger brain like yours. HUGS!
2012-02-04 09:07 pm (UTC)
Go you! Fuck her and her car.
Wow. That is utterly horrible.
I get what you're saying about not wanting to lose your temper in a way that does not feel safe to you. There's a point past angry for me that feels, well, lost... and if you feel something similar, I'm glad for you that you didn't end up there. It sounds like the woman in the car did, and that she was utterly unhinged.
That said, I hope you *don't* feel bad about feeling anger in that situation. As others have said, what she did, running the light was bad, but if she had said "Ohmygod I'm so sorry!" it wouldn't have been such a big deal. That she got angry that people called her on it, is bad, but that she immediately dropped into wild, incoherent name calling is how you know she's already unhinged.
But then she assaulted you.
You probably do know that throwing something at someone is assault. And what really gets me angry here is that the so-called security guard at the Shaw's wasn't sufficiently trained to immediately recognize it as such and call the police. The person who has been assaulted shouldn't be expected to necessarily have the equanimity in that situation to think to do so, but the security person should be trained to know that's his job. He should have asked you which car it was, and bolted out after it, radio blaring to CPD.
I'm really sorry all this happened to you, and very glad no one got hurt, and mostly I wanted to write to try to reassure you that being wildly angry and yelling is totally understandable and reasonable and human.
The fact that you jumped in to the defense of the other pedestrian in the beginning, though, is only a small manifestation of what makes you an amazing human being.
Yes to all of this. Geebus, what a deranged person. I'm glad she didn't do any actual damage to anyone.
You are ok. You actually did fine. It's ok to tell people they did something wrong. Ok, sure, hidsight is 20/20 and there are ways you could have changed that communication pattern, there are ALWAYS chances to think about that differently. It's not ok for them to hit you. That she was looking for a fight in the first place is clear. You happened to be the one she took it out on. And you know all those expletives...they were anger. They were her anger at herself. She was angry when she ran the through the light which is long before she laid eyes on you. And now she's angry you called her on it and when she gets home, and finds some space in her head, hopefully she'll think a little.
And you KNOW she won't blow through red lights there anymore. Because if you called her on it..someone else might call her on it. And you know what? Someone else, might be more pissed off than she is.
So while what you did was dangerous, don't feel bad THAT you did it. Just try and be aware to be safe.
I'm sorry it was such an awful experience but also proud I have a friend who would, unthinkingly, stand up for the right behavior when she could.
FWIW, I think you did exactly the right thing. Good on you!
Adding to the chorus...
You did nothing wrong. You acted reasonably and reacted with (according to this account) an acceptable level of response. Being self-aware and questioning your actions is also a good thing - it is the thing most likely to keep you from doing something actually wrong.