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Side Effect Fallout Trickle-Down Brain Crap - Body by Henson, brain by Seuss. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kelly J. Cooper

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Side Effect Fallout Trickle-Down Brain Crap [Jul. 1st, 2010|03:21 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
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I have a lot of potential.

I'm 40, so I still have time to fulfill some of that potential.

But I feel like I wasted a bunch of my potential (and my time) in the 40 years I've had so far.

WASTED LOST DRIED UP BLOWN AWAY IT'S GONE BABY GONE potential.

And while I'm not a big regrets type of person (well, actually, I do regret eating the cheese that gave me food poisoning on Monday), there's part of me that's mourning all that waste and loss.

Plus, things were so much harder than they had to be. So many things... so much harder...

And just as I'm getting old enough to be at peace with some of that shit, I find out that I didn't really need to go through it at all.

But if I want the NEXT 40 years to go a little more easily, and hopefully more productively, I've got to do a bunch of work involving how I live my life with my ADHD. This is work I would've had a lot more energy to do if I'd known to do it in the first 20-30 years of my life. Right now, I have so little energy, I have to keep myself from jealously guarding it, hunched over and cooing to myself like friggin' Gollum with the ring ("the sleep! the sleep wants to steal my precious energies! and the friends don't really like us, do they precious? they want our energies too!").

The headfuckery involved there is nigh on ludicrous.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: gilana
2010-07-01 12:43 pm (UTC)
You know, it's always easy to look back and say you should have done something differently -- but you are who you are as a result of all of the tiny steps that took you to today. Who knows what you have learned or become on this path that you might not have on an easier one?

You can't change the person you were yesterday, or the person you'll be five years from now. All you can do is make your choices one at a time in the moment you're in. And every new moment brings a fresh chance.

God, that all sounds smarmy. But I really do believe it. And I hope one of the choices you'll think about trying to make, every time it comes up, is being a little kinder to my friend Kelly. I think she's pretty awesome, and I know a whole lot of other people do, too -- I remember a certain birthday party filled with lots of such people -- and I hate to see you be so down on her.
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From: i_leonardo
2010-07-01 01:19 pm (UTC)
nicely said. i concur.
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[User Picture]From: gem225
2010-07-01 03:42 pm (UTC)
This person is absolutely right. Listen to her, please, Kelly dear. :-D

*hugs and love*
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[User Picture]From: dpolicar
2010-07-01 02:31 pm (UTC)
Three cheers for ludicrous headfuckery!

Or, well, maybe not. I find it somehow empowering to embrace the absurdity of me, sometimes. But I admit that it's an acquired taste.

Anyway... the grief is real, and it's right that you acknowledge and respect it.

But also, you likely have a whole lot of life ahead of you, and a lot of experience to draw on, and that is real too, and worthy of respect.
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