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Bad Mood / Boring Rant - Body by Henson, brain by Seuss. [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
Kelly J. Cooper

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Bad Mood / Boring Rant [May. 6th, 2008|07:14 am]
Kelly J. Cooper
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Friday was a little rough and I was tired from a long week. Stayed up later than I intended, though not as stupidly late as today (I'm still awake). But then COULD NOT WAKE UP ON SATURDAY. Not even with two kinds of alarms plus periodic nudging from the BF and random phone calls. I'm still upset about it because it meant I missed Somerville Open Studios, dammit. I was just so friggin' exhausted from the week...

I finally achieved a bit of limited consciousness sometime after 5pm and thought to myself, "MISSED EVERYTHING... IF I GET UP, I'LL HAVE TO BRUSH MY TEETH AND PUT ON CLOTHES... FUCK THAT..." and rolled over to fall back asleep. Which meant I ALSO missed Cecilia & Shariann's book party, dammit. The BF finally tempted me out of bed around 10pm with spaghetti & (ground turkey) meatballs.

Despite not being able to sleep until late Saturday night/Sunday morning (having slept all day Saturday), I did manage to get up an hour early on Sunday. I also frittered away all but 15 minutes of that, but nevertheless I managed to see THREE of the FOUR studios that are within 100 feet of my door, one of which was new. And I bought a gorgeous bracelet that I can't really afford from the bead crocheting lady on Gussie.

Worked all day Sunday in a mostly reasonable but somewhat frustrating day, managed to get out a little after 11pm (early for me on Sundays), missed the bus by moments, caught the next bus 15 minutes later, got home at a little before midnight, ate a kinda yucky dinner, and crashed without logging in. Slept all day Monday, waking up periodically to take pills, go to the bathroom, and otherwise try to enjoy my day off.

But, I was in a pissy mood all day and ended up ignoring tons of phone calls. Didn't want to talk to ANYBODY about ANYTHING. I'm behind on EVERYTHING I'm trying to get done and it's making me batty. Grump Grump GRUMP. Still feeling kinda pissy, but better for having caught up on LJ & gotten some work done.

Shit fuck hell pus buckets my neurons are suckweaselly pig-fuckin' puppy-kickers dammit.

Sometimes I think I got more done when I didn't understand or recognize my depression or hypersomnia and just thought I was a big fuckup who needed to try harder to compensate. Viva la self-knowledge and medication.
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Comments:
[User Picture]From: drwex
2008-05-06 01:30 pm (UTC)

Shit fuck hell pus buckets my neurons are suckweaselly pig-fuckin' puppy-kickers dammit.


Broken Galliano bottle, anyone?

(yes, I still have the whole thing in my quotes file.)
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[User Picture]From: kjc
2008-05-06 02:45 pm (UTC)
It's not like I didn't archive it in a public spot...

http://www.apocalypse.org/pub/u/kjc/flamage/FMH.html
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[User Picture]From: foomf
2008-05-06 03:59 pm (UTC)
Read back through the journal a bit - Kelly J enjoys a neurological disorder. It's not that she didn't want to do any of those things, and that line of speculation is one of the causes of frustration.

Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has little to no effect on the fatigue that is part of the disorder. Chemical supplementation does, sometimes, but for what she's got, they apparently don't know the cause so they can't tell how to mediate it.

It might, maybe, help with the depression, but mostly, depression comes from frustration that festers for too long, and in this case, the frustration is that she's got this guilt-inducing "character flaw" of being too "lazy and unfocused" because of the fatigue. For people with MS, who also get to enjoy the fatigue, it takes similar work to get past the "you do not get to 'try harder' because it won't help" but they also have the impetus of "try harder WILL make things worse and you will DIE from it."
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From: i_leonardo
2008-05-06 02:32 pm (UTC)
"Sometimes I think I got more done when I didn't understand or recognize my depression or hypersomnia and just thought I was a big fuckup who needed to try harder to compensate."

you *do* need to try harder to compensate, not because you're a big fuckup, but because you have a handicap. knowing the name can help you pre-judge potential treatment or coping options, like if your label is "paraplegic" you can know in advance that you're more prone to urinary tract infections and be extra vigilant for them, but there's no getting out of needing to work harder. *sigh*.
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[User Picture]From: wonderreader
2008-05-06 11:43 pm (UTC)

on the other hand

well, sorry you missed the open studios - but glad you got to the bead crochet lady.

Remember - just 'cause is doesn't have a name doesn't mean it isn't real. Although you could name it the suwepifpuk neuronal syndrome. Besides you always try harder.
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